Tag: #battling my emotions

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How to Overcome Blurred Vision

 “... I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, …. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Philippians 3:8, 13, NIV).

Melissa is on her way back to her hometown after having been away for 3 years. When she left home, she was full of joy for and anticipation of the great opportunity ahead. She was walking into her best life, or so she thought. However, the following 3 years were filled with shattered dreams and downtrodden expectations, unexpected suffering, and almost intolerable pain. Returning home was her only hope but the thought of all she had lost and what lay ahead filled her with inconsolable grief. She could not stop crying.

Having resolved to start the journey home, Melissa packed the U-Haul truck and drove off towards the north. But she could not stop crying. She navigated the route with tears rolling down her cheeks, until she heard these words: “If you don’t stop crying, you will not be able to see the road; you will not be able to see where you are going.”

As I reflected on 2023 and turned my gaze toward 2024, the memory of one of my co-workers testimony flooded my mind. Melissa shared with me how God’s leading and guidance brought her through one of the darkest times of her life and that guidance began with the words she heard in that U-Haul truck. Those words were life changing for her and, at the time that she told me her testimony, it was as if the Lord Himself was speaking those words to me.

So often, our forward movement is hindered not because of a lack of sight, but rather because of cloudy or blurred vision caused by tears. Tears of sorrow because of the pain of losses; tears resulting from having to let go. Tears of fear brought on by the unknown, not knowing what lies ahead. Tears that cause us to freeze in place, not able to move forward.

I listened and was pointed to Ecclesiastes 3:1 -11a (NIV). “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…. He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Every activity has a season assigned to it and accepting the end of seasons, though sometimes difficult, is essential to our ability to move into the next for our lives. Like Paul, we must master the art of “counting all this as loss…. forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead” (Philippians 3:7, 13, NKJV).

The year 2023 has come to an end and we have just entered a new year. We are not sure where our path will take us this year. But one thing is certain: if we don’t stop crying, we won’t be able to clearly see the path ahead. My prayer for you this year is clarity of sight and that God would grant you the comfort, courage, and grace to stand despite sorrow so that you can “make your way prosperous and have good success” (Joshua 1:8, NKJV).

Friend, wipe away the tears. Position your eyes to see. Lift your eyes so you can see with clarity the length and breadth of that which the Lord God has in store for you and be able to safely navigate the path to get there. This year can be an amazing year if you reject blurred vision brought on by tears.

Let us pray: Our Heavenly Father, as I begin my journey into this new year, I pray that you would grant me grace to let go the things I need to and embrace the new things that you are sending into my life. May my life be characterized by joy and not sorrow, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below and share the post on your social media. Thank you for your support.

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Give Thanks!

“in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJV)

Every morning as the sun rises, every time the rain falls, every time an animal deposits its waste on the ground (soil), and every time the weight of a bee settles on a flower, it is an opportunity for that plant to receive what it needs to grow and multiply. To some, the heat of the sun, the wetness of the rain, the stench of the manure, and the weight of the bee may be perceived as NEGATIVES, discomfort, and even pain but, to others, these same things are perceived as BLESSINGS.

There is [an] opportunity for growth in EVERY situation that comes our way. This is why the Lord God said, through Paul, “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NKJV).

Friends, we can choose to view these situations as earthen vessels with treasures buried within and hunt for the treasures that will enrich our lives with growth and multiplication. OR we can choose to stay at a place of depression and defeat. The choice is yours. Choose well!

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Getting Pass Your Past

A moment ago, a minute ago, yesterday, last week, last month, nine months ago …. All these phrases are examples of THE PAST.

If you are like me and many others, at this time of the year, you have taken some time to reflect on the past, specifically the past year. You wonder what you might have done differently and how you can improve or do better in several areas of your life for this upcoming year. For many, this reflection might present a sense of “stuckness”, where it seems, although not impossible, very likely improbable to get pass certain aspects of the past. This feeling of “stuckness” is often buried  beneath smiles and well wishes for the season and new year. But there is a way of getting pass the past, a way to truly enter the new year with new momentum and a new drive. I have found that answer in a set aside time of prayer and fasting at the end of the year. For me, it takes the form of 3 days of prayer and fasting but for others the length of time might differ.

In this final blog post of 2022, I would like to share with you a strategy that I have discovered and used to help me get pass my past. First, before entering this period of set aside time of prayer and fasting, I set goals and clarify the purpose of the times of prayer during this fast. This enables me to be targeted in my requests and focuses my spiritual eyes and ears to receive instructions and directions from the Lord, concerning my deliverance, growth, and development. For me, the story of Jonah has provided targeted goals needed to facilitate my moving pass my past. Those goals are namely:

  1. To be rerouted and realigned with God’s destiny for my life.
  2. To hear clearly God’s instructions to me a “second” time.
  3. To realize redeeming of time/restoration of years.

The prayer requests that accompany these goals would then be:

  1. Lord, please cause me to have such an encounter in this time of prayer and fasting that it would be the prepared “vessel” that would transport me to exactly where you want me to be in this season.
  2. Lord God, attune my ears to your frequency and give me the eyes of an eagle to be able to clearly hear your voice and see your leading.
  3. Lord, grant me acceleration and redemption of time that I would arrive at where you intended me to be at this date and in this season of my life.

My prayer for you as you end this year and look forward to another is that this upcoming year you would

  • “forget what is behind and straining toward what is ahead …. press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called [you] heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14, NIV).
  • “stand perfect and complete in all the will of God” (Colossians 4:12, KJV).
  • that “the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better…. that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe” (Ephesians 1: 17-19, NIV).
  • “be filled with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience…” (Colossians 1:9-11, NIV).

I love you guys and am praying for you. Have a happy and Spirit-filled and Spirit-led, New Year. Remember, your past cannot hold you back unless you empower it to do so. The Spirit of the living God has given you power to get pass your past.

DIG DEEPER:

  1. Devotional: The Gift of Mercy
  2. Bible Study: The Power of the 3-Day Prayer & Fasting

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Forgiven

John 8 10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusersof yours? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

We are less than 48 hours away from the end of 2021 and for many this is a time of retrospection and reflection. Many are thinking about what they could have, should have or would have done in 2021 and are hoping for better in 2022. As I reflect on 2021 and relive some of the memories, I hear my spirit pleading, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

SIN – to miss the way or the mark; to wander from the way; to err or be mistaken; to violate God’s law.

In 2021, there were many decisions I made and actions I took that caused me to miss the way or the mark, and sometimes to wander from the way. There were times when I thought I heard His voice but was mistaken; I was in error. Although many of these experiences provided valuable learning lessons, my heart is still heavy in having disappointed Him and having delayed progress.

Yet, as I cry, I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit’s response, “Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more.” With that instruction comes the memory of the account of Mary Magdalene and the woman caught in adultery (John 8: 1-11). What do these two women have in common? They both encountered the same dimensions of our Lord God: compassion, mercy, and forgiveness that led to their salvation.

Life circumstances had brought them both to places of bondage, bondage to sin and death. Mary’s bondage was a result of demon possession; her will was no longer her own. She was controlled and harassed by seven evil spirits that had taken up residence within her body (Mark 16:9). The other woman’s bondage was a result of sexual immorality which led her to a place of death(John 8:3-7).

Nevertheless, when they met Jesus, they were released from their bondage. They received deliverance from and victory over that which had them bound, that which prevented them from being who they were created and designed to be. Jesus, when he saw them, did not focus on their sin. He did not meet them with condemnation but with salvation (John 3:16-18). In fact, their sin did not surprise or disgust Him. Their sin was the reason He came. He came to seek and save those that were lost (Luke 19:10). He came to save His people from their sin (Matthew 1:21). He came with power to set them free (John 8:31-32).

Many of us are looking back at 2021 and we see some things that we are not too proud of. We see occasions where we missed the mark, where we wandered away from the guidance of the Lord God and lost our way. We see things worthy of condemnation. But friends, if we focus on those things, we will remain hostages to the power of sin; we will remain in bondage. Instead, we can choose to have an ENCOUNTER with Jesus, to encounter His compassion, His mercy, and His forgiveness that would lead to salvation and receive POWER to “go, and sin no more.”

My encouragement to You as you exit this old year and make preparations to enter the new is to go after a fresh encounter with Jesus. Make Him your focus of pursuit. Become desperate for Him as Mary Magdalene was when she visited his tomb and was desperate to know where they had laid Him (John 20:11-18). If we seek Him, search for Him with all of our heart, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13) and find freedom for our souls, freedom to be who we were designed and created to be, His pleasure.

Dear Lord Jesus, my heart’s cry today is for an encounter with You. I want to so encounter You that my life will never be the same. Like Mary Magdalene, I want my encounter with You to create such a passion for You that my life’s fulfillment will be found in being with You, following You, and ministering to You in life and in death. Thank You for forgiving me and for relieving me of every burden, load and care that has held me in bondage. Thank You for allowing me to know You; may I so know You until I become strong and can execute exploits in and through Your name. AMEN

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Profitable Losses

Have you, like me, had experiences where you prayed to the Lord about a situation, felt like you clearly heard and understood His directive, yet when you followed through on it you experienced loss instead of profit? In this account of the battle between the children of Israel and the children of Benjamin, we are introduced to a concept that I call Profitable Loss.

Judges 21:25 states that “in those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes.” Yet we read of an account in Judges 20 where the children of Israel “arose, and went up to the house of God, and asked counsel of God” (vs.18). It seemed right in their eyes to know the mind of God concerning the decision that they had made to wage war against the children of Benjamin.

The children of Israel asked God, “Which of us shall go up first to the battle against the children of Benjamin? And the Lord said, Judah shall go up first” (vs.18). So they obeyed God and went up against the children of Benjamin with 400,000 men. In their obedience, they suffered loss: the death of 22,000 men. The children of Benjamin had defeated them.

We are told in the next verse that “the people the men of Israel encouraged themselves, and set their battle again in array in the place where they put themselves in array the first day” (vs.22). But first they went up before the Lord and again asked counsel of Him, “Shall I go up again to battle against the children of Benjamin my brother? And the Lord said, Go up against him” (vs.23). They obeyed God a second time and suffered loss a second time: the death of 18,000 men. The children of Benjamin defeated them again.

“Then all the children of Israel, and all the people, went up, and came unto the house of God, and wept, and sat there before the Lord, and fasted that day until even, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord.  And the children of Israel enquired of the Lord, (for the ark of the covenant of God was there in those days….” They asked God, “Shall I yet again go out to battle against the children of Benjamin my brother, or shall I cease?”

NOTE: This would now be the third time that they would be launching an attack. They had already lost the battle twice before and lost a total of 40,000 men; this loss occurred after trusting/believing God’s word and encouraging themselves because of it. I can imagine their thoughts: maybe Phinehas the priest had missed God. Maybe he hadn’t heard correctly. Maybe we should “cease” going forward with this warfare. They sat there at the house of God, fasting and waiting. Then the Lord answered, “Go up; for to morrow I will deliver them into thine hand” (vs. 26-28).

A third time they obeyed God and “the Lord smote Benjamin before Israel: and the children of Israel destroyed of the Benjamites that day 25, 100 (of their 26,700) men” (vs.35). This time around 30 men of the children of Israel lost their lives but, the men of Israel won the battle.

Friends, when we choose to obey and trust God, prepare to experience some loss. Loss is not evidence of ultimate defeat for one who is obeying (1) “Go up”, (2) “Go up again”, and (3) “Go up again.” Encourage yourself with the counsel of God. This time, the 3rd time, after you have wept, sat and waited on God, fasted, given offerings, and inquired of the Lord, you will experience the victory that outweighs your loss. NOTE: Israel lost 40,030/400,000 men….about a fraction over 10% of their army. But Benjamin lost 25,000/26,700 …. about a little over 90% of their army. Israel experienced a profitable loss.

Dear Holy Spirit, please help me to be prepared for the loss that is necessary for me to experience victory i.e. the defeat of the enemy in this battle. Prepare me for the test, the trial, the probation that comes through the loss of the 40 (18 + 22). Prepare me for the 3-day wait in the belly of the whale/earth. Help me to hang in there, encouraged, until my 3rd day when I will rise again.

Holy Spirit, teach me how to weep and help me in my infirmities: for I do not know what I should pray for as I ought to pray (Romans 8:26). Dear Holy Spirit, teach me how to just sit there and wait in Your Presence. Help me to fast the fast that you have chosen (Isaiah 58). Show me what offerings I need to give and, help me not to stop inquiring of You), even if I have to do it through Phinehas – the set man of God for Your house.

As I go this day, Holy Spirit, please keep speaking and revealing more of Your word to me and more of You to me so that I will not do according to what is right in my eyes. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!!

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For My Grandparents: Lovers of God

Twenty-nine years ago, on this date, I became a mother. I gave birth to a beautiful 8 pound 10 ounce – baby girl whose arrival forever changed the course of our family’s life. I was a teenager, unmarried and backslidden. My family was still grieving the loss of my eldest brother, who went missing two years prior. The entrance of this bright-eyed baby, although bittersweet, filled a gap in my parent’s heart and caused me, like the prodigal son of Luke 15, to return home to my Heavenly Father.

This little girl, who calls herself “my firstborn who opened the matrix of my womb” , has grown into a talented and beautiful young lady who I am proud of in so many ways. In honor of her birthday, I wish to feature one of her writing samples: a tribute that she wrote for her grandparents at their Appreciation Service 2017. May you be blessed and encouraged to know that as you grow through the various stages of life you have a Promise from your Heavenly Father that He will carry you and sustain you.

For My Grandparents: Lovers of God!

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am He, I am He who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you. – Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)

I hear things change when you get older: your eyes won’t focus, your ears won’t hear, and time keeps speeding up and running faster than your aching legs can handle. Your heart must be tired for keeping a steady beat this long.

But I hear your soul stays the same; I know it’s true because yours have been consistent and stable my whole life. At the core of you, the real definition of the both of you, your souls are lovers of God, friends of God. You’ve yearned for Him all these years, and will yearn for Him until you’re reunited. That won’t change. Of this I am certain.

You’ve loved God with your whole body, and now it’s showing; the wear and tear of your hard work. You love God with your heart, and that is evident in all the sacrifices you’ve made, all the lives you’ve changed, all the ways you’ve both become the people you are today.

You love Him with your soul, that part of you that will reunite with Him when He comes back for you. You’ve held on this long, body, heart and soul and my encouragement is to hold on longer.

No matter how your body changes and stops working the way you’ve known, He will carry you.
When your heartaches from the pain in this world, He will rescue you.
And when your soul cries for Him to come back for this world, to come back for you, He will sustain you.
Love, Sephie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEPHIE!

WE LOVE YOU!!!

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The God Who Sees ME!

Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who sees me?” – Genesis 16:13

Many times what God promises us does not immediately materialize at the time it is spoken, or even shortly after. More times than not, it takes years, long periods of time, before our eyes can see the materialization of the promise.

As such, it is human tendency to begin to second-guess God, to give our interpretation or “re-interpretation” of what God said rather than just taking Him at His words. When we begin to “re-interpret”, then we make decisions and do things to make our interpretation [come] true.

During the past two weeks, I have been feeling compelled to revisit the story of Hagar and El- Roi, The God Who Sees. As I re-read the chapter where this account is detailed – Genesis 16 – I was struck at the central theme of seeing that was portrayed. These are my reflections that I wrote as I meditated on this account.

It is interesting how chapter 15 of the book of Genesis ends with God promising Abram that he would have descendants and His descendants will inherit the Promised Land, then chapter 16 begins with “Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children.” Sarai’s interpretation of this fact was if “The Lord has kept me from having children” but has promised Abram children, then I am not the channel that God will use to birth these children. There must be another.
BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU SEE!
YOUR SIGHT/PERSPECTIVE DETERMINES YOUR INTERPRETATION.

vs. 3-5 The narrative continues with Sarai choosing her Egyptian maid, Hagar to be the answer to God’s promise. Hagar was given a role that was not hers to fill and as such could not handle her new position. She became a victim of someone else’s wrong vision and subsequent wrong decision. Consequently, her sight also became affected and Hagar changed from being a humble servant to a haughty servant (vs.9). Her being in a wrong position gave her an incorrect perspective.
BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU SET OTHERS UP AS A RESULT OF YOUR DECISIONS!
WHEN WE ARE NOT POSITIONED RIGHT, WE CAN’T SEE RIGHT.

vs.6 Abram was seen as a passive character in this chapter. He heard his wife’s analysis of the promise of God and went along with her plan. According to Scripture, he did not waver at the promise of God (Romans 4:18-22). How he saw God did not change AND how he saw his wife did not change. Sarai may have become despised in Hagar’s eyes and in her own eyes, but in his eyes she was still his wife, and Hagar her maid.

vs. 7-14 In all of this God was also seeing. He saw but did not intervene. God did not step in and correct Sarai’s faulty sight/interpretation. He did not step in and correct Abram for following Sarai’s plan. He did not step in when Hagar’s vision also became faulty and her attitude changed toward Sarai. He did not step in when Sarai treated Hagar harshly and, He did not step in when Hagar was contemplating running away. He was seeing it all.

However, He stepped in after Hagar ran away and was in the wilderness on the way to Shur. God comes looking for us when we have exhausted our own efforts and are ready and open to hear and receive a word from Him. We are told that “the angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert...” (vs. 7-12). Her conversation with the Angel of the Lord reveals that God not only heard her affliction but He also saw her – Hagar. He is El-Roi, The God Who Sees.

Hagar was surprised that the Lord God would take notice of a mere Egyptian maid. She was shocked that He came looking for her; that He had thoughts about her and plans for her and her unborn child. He even maned her child and assured his prosperity.

Hagar could identify with the psalmist that wrote Psalms 139:1-6:

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

Friends, the Lord God is that God-Who-Sees-YOU and sees about YOU; the God-Who-Watches-Over-You. Even when your sight becomes blurry/faulty and you lose your way, He will find you and re-route you on your path home. He is the Lord God and He sees YOU!

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A Prayer for the Journey

… For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, 10 declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure,’ – Isaiah 46: 9-10

This morning I awoke thanking God for being the Author and Finisher of my faith, the God who knows the End from the Beginning. He is the God who have already walked through my life, has returned from the End, met me at the Beginning and is willing to walk with me at my pace to the Expected End.

He walks a little in front of me at times to lead and guide me into all truth. At other times, He carries me when I am unable to walk on my own. This is why I should be able to trust Him because He knows where He is going. He knows the pitfalls, obstacles, and the quick sands ahead. He knows. He knows. If I can just trust Him, I will never stumble or fall.

The difficulty that God has with us is that we don’t truly believe that He knows. We do not truly believe that He knows the End from the Beginning. If we did, we would trust Him unconditionally. Yet, in spite of our doubts and unbelief, He still chooses to walk with us, to be our partner on the journey. When we go astray, He finds us and re-routes us to the path that will lead to our Expected End. Thank You Lord for such mercy and forbearance.

Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for the numerous times that I have doubted You and as a result developed clouded vision as to where You were leading me. Forgive me for constantly straying, listening to the voice of another. Forgive me for not truly believing and, as such, hindering myself from trusting You as I should.

I cast off doubts and unbelief. I cast off carnality and living/walking by sight and not by faith. Please sensitize my spirit to the leading and the voice of Your Holy Spirit. Teach me Your ways and lead me in Your paths. Lord, revolutionize my life to reflect total surrender, faith, and trust in You. I give myself to You, all of me, for more of You.

Lord move on my heart like you have never moved before. Change my focus and my perspective. Change my expectations and my resulting speech. Let Your perfect will be done in and through me, for Christ’s sake, AMEN!

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Don’t Waste Your Time!

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: – Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. – Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NKJV)

The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor bread to the wise,
Nor riches to men of understanding,
Nor favor to men of skill;
But time and chance happen to them all. – Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NKJV)

  1. Everything has a season.
  2. Every purpose has a time; and every time has its purpose.
  3. God makes everything (every purpose) beautiful in its time.
  4. There is no negative (bad) or positive (good) time. All times are set or ordained by God.
  5. Ask God to reveal to you the beauty of your current time, whether you perceive that time as bad or good.
  6. Don’t let your talent, strength, wisdom, intellect, or skills or lack thereof determine what you do with the time given. These are not the deciding factor in your results; time and chance are.
  7. Could it be that the time for x has expired and we are still doing x’s work in y’s time?
  8. Could it be that you are out of your current time?
  9. Embrace the beauty of the present! Embrace the beauty of your current time!
  10. Don’t waste your time and chance given today!

Thank you Lord for the time that You have given me today. Please help me Lord not to be constantly looking back desiring to return to things of the past. Help me to remember that everything has a season and every purpose has a time. Help me Lord to endeavor to focus on the current purpose and the current season so that I won’t waste my current time. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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You are NOT Too Late! It’s Not Over!

It is Thursday night and, as is our custom, we have gathered for prayer. John, my 12-year old son, lifts his voice as he makes his approach to the Throne of Grace. His sister Grace, sitting beside him, also lifts her voice in support of him, as he carries our requests to the Father.

I am not exactly sure of what he said that caught my attention, but something did. I opened my eyes and saw them both, heads bowed, eyes closed, their countenance portraying the fervor of their hearts’ convictions. As I looked at them, I was no longer in my bedroom in South Carolina in 2020, but I was in another bedroom, in another country, over a decade ago.

I traveled through the years, visiting a number of bedrooms, seeing mirror images of the same scene – my son and daughter at various ages with heads bowed, petitioning the Father. A strong feeling of gratitude washed over me, as my mind returned to the present, and I whispered ever so softly, “Thank you, Jesus.”

Those images and that feeling of gratitude stayed with me long after we were finished praying. Later that night, I approached the Father alone and asked that He would preserve that which was implanted in them from early childhood. As I talked to the Father, I was reminded of Philippians 2:13, “For it is God who worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” I thanked the Father for working in me BOTH to have the desire AND follow through in regards to being that mother who would teach her children to trust, and therefore, call on God.

As I continued communing with the Father about Grace and John, I remembered my eldest child – Persephanie (Sephie). She was the product of a teenage pregnancy. She was the child I almost aborted; the child I chose to keep, but was never really a mother to. As I thought of Sephie, I heard a voice say to me, “What were you doing with Sephie when she was 12 and 14 years old, the ages that John and Grace are now? You did not do for her, when she was in her early childhood, what you did for them? You gave her what money could buy, showered her with gifts but failed to instill a love for and trust in God the Father. You gave her things but gave them God. You are to be blamed for how she turned out. You were not a good mother!”

A wave of guilt and regret washed over me, just as gratitude did just a few hours earlier. Again, I whispered ever so softly, “Lord, I am sorry. Please forgive me.” This has been a cry of my heart, most times when I think of my eldest daughter. I often have to remind myself that God has already forgiven me and I need to embrace that forgiveness and forgive myself. It is a battle I face from time to time, a battle with guilt and regret.

Nevertheless, true to His character, the Lord God did not condemn me, but immediately reminded me of the truth. Once again, my mind traveled back in time, walking through the years from the time I knew of her conception up to when she left home for college. I was reminded that back then it was all about me – my hurt, my pain, my abandonment, my needs. On the outside, Sephie was a well-cared for child, all of her physical needs were met, but there was no emotional connection that would serve as a bridge for impartation. I was too busy searching for my needs to be filled.

Not so now! I have lived long enough to learn through experience that my life is NOT about me nor for me. My life is for and about my assignment, my purpose; for the saving, nurturing, and preserving of those whom God has entrusted to me. The Lord God reminded me that learning and embracing that truth has made me free and now I am free to address the consequences of my past missteps.

The Lord God reminded me, “IT’S NOT OVER YET! “

The Lord God reminded me, “IT’S NOT TOO LATE!“

Sephie is my seed and she too is blessed. He promised in Isaiah 49:24-25, “… For I will contend with him who contends with you, and I will save your children.” He also promised in Jeremiah 31:16-17 that He will reward the work of my hand and cause my children to return from the land of the enemy.

My dear sisters, the adversary of my soul wanted me to be weighed down by shame, guilt, and regrets so that, once again, it would be about me and not about my purpose of preserving lives, my child’s life. But thanks be to God, who causes us to triumph through Christ Jesus, I was able to hear a word from the Lord God, YOU ARE NOT TOO LATE….IT’S NOT OVER!!

As women, this is another common battle that we have to learn to face and conquer: forgiving ourselves for the things we regret doing/not doing and gaining strength to face the consequences of those decisions. If you are wrestling against the spirits of shame, guilt, and/or regrets, know that God is not holding your past against you. He is waiting for you to come and reason with Him so that He can direct your path in pursuing, overtaking, and recovering all.

I left my conversation with the Lord, having an assurance that although my daughter – my firstborn – is currently being held captive in the camp of the enemy, God is with me to go get her, overtake the head start of the enemy, and RECOVER ALL!

Dear Father, Please grant me the faith, courage, and endurance to keep on pursuing the adversary who took my daughter, until I have overtaken him and recovered all, IN JESUS’NAME, Amen!

DIG DEEPER:

  1. Devotional: It’s Not Too Late! PURSUE ….
  2. Prayer Room: Warfare for My Children