Category: Encouragement

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Be Encouraged!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

I am sitting at my dining table preparing my notes for the Bible Study teaching tonight. My husband comes downstairs and excitedly exclaims, “Did you see it?”

“See what?”, I asked.

“We are at 102,” he replied.

…I grabbed my phone and texted in the family chat: Good morning. More good news! ezerwatchers has just passed the 100 subscribers mark. As of today, we are at 102 subscribers and counting. Thank you Lord!!!

Later that morning, one of my “daughters” asked, “Are you going to write a celebratory post?….100 is a milestone.” I gave it some thought and while thinking on it, my mind went to one of my journal entries from July 2019. It reads as follows:

I am somewhat disappointed this morning. I am displeased because ezerwatchers.com has not been receiving the responses I had expected or hoped for. I expected that it would be supported by my family and friends, if by no one else. But last week, it only received 1 view total.

However, in my reading this morning, I read Nehemiah 5:16a – “Yea, also I continued in the work of this wall….” This passage spoke about how Nehemiah invested in himself and continued in his assignment. Unlike the other governors before him, he was not going to trust in or rely on the people. Instead he was going to shoulder his burdens and apply himself (that is, devote himself) to the work of the wall.

Like Nehemiah, I need to look away from man’s help, from my expectations from family and friends, and continue to invest in the work that God has assigned me – ezerwatchers. I need to keep at it! Be faithful!

Dear Father, You are my support so, I look to You for support. Help me to keep my eyes focused on the assignment and not look to the arm of flesh. Help me to value Your approval more than the approval of man and above everything else. Lord, help me to remember that as long as I am obeying You, then I am successful and prosperous. I thank you for your encouragement. I will wait on You and be of good courage. Amen!

Friends, that morning I went into prayer with the weight of disappointment weighing me down but, by the time I left my place of prayer, I was encouraged. I want to share that same encouragement with you. I want to encourage you regarding those times when it seems like what God has asked you to do is not bearing any fruit. Do not allow disappointment to pull you apart from your God-assigned task. Know that all God requires of you is faithfulness. It is His responsibility to add as needed. Just as you were a part of making this milestone possible for ezerwatchers, even so God is raising up people to help make your milestone possible.

THANK YOU TO ALL MY SUBSCRIBERS!!

Know that the Lord Your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness  – Deuteronomy 2:7 (NIV).

My love and prayers are with you all!

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For My Grandparents: Lovers of God

Twenty-nine years ago, on this date, I became a mother. I gave birth to a beautiful 8 pound 10 ounce – baby girl whose arrival forever changed the course of our family’s life. I was a teenager, unmarried and backslidden. My family was still grieving the loss of my eldest brother, who went missing two years prior. The entrance of this bright-eyed baby, although bittersweet, filled a gap in my parent’s heart and caused me, like the prodigal son of Luke 15, to return home to my Heavenly Father.

This little girl, who calls herself “my firstborn who opened the matrix of my womb” , has grown into a talented and beautiful young lady who I am proud of in so many ways. In honor of her birthday, I wish to feature one of her writing samples: a tribute that she wrote for her grandparents at their Appreciation Service 2017. May you be blessed and encouraged to know that as you grow through the various stages of life you have a Promise from your Heavenly Father that He will carry you and sustain you.

For My Grandparents: Lovers of God!

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am He, I am He who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you. – Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)

I hear things change when you get older: your eyes won’t focus, your ears won’t hear, and time keeps speeding up and running faster than your aching legs can handle. Your heart must be tired for keeping a steady beat this long.

But I hear your soul stays the same; I know it’s true because yours have been consistent and stable my whole life. At the core of you, the real definition of the both of you, your souls are lovers of God, friends of God. You’ve yearned for Him all these years, and will yearn for Him until you’re reunited. That won’t change. Of this I am certain.

You’ve loved God with your whole body, and now it’s showing; the wear and tear of your hard work. You love God with your heart, and that is evident in all the sacrifices you’ve made, all the lives you’ve changed, all the ways you’ve both become the people you are today.

You love Him with your soul, that part of you that will reunite with Him when He comes back for you. You’ve held on this long, body, heart and soul and my encouragement is to hold on longer.

No matter how your body changes and stops working the way you’ve known, He will carry you.
When your heartaches from the pain in this world, He will rescue you.
And when your soul cries for Him to come back for this world, to come back for you, He will sustain you.
Love, Sephie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEPHIE!

WE LOVE YOU!!!

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The God Who Sees ME!

Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who sees me?” – Genesis 16:13

Many times what God promises us does not immediately materialize at the time it is spoken, or even shortly after. More times than not, it takes years, long periods of time, before our eyes can see the materialization of the promise.

As such, it is human tendency to begin to second-guess God, to give our interpretation or “re-interpretation” of what God said rather than just taking Him at His words. When we begin to “re-interpret”, then we make decisions and do things to make our interpretation [come] true.

During the past two weeks, I have been feeling compelled to revisit the story of Hagar and El- Roi, The God Who Sees. As I re-read the chapter where this account is detailed – Genesis 16 – I was struck at the central theme of seeing that was portrayed. These are my reflections that I wrote as I meditated on this account.

It is interesting how chapter 15 of the book of Genesis ends with God promising Abram that he would have descendants and His descendants will inherit the Promised Land, then chapter 16 begins with “Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children.” Sarai’s interpretation of this fact was if “The Lord has kept me from having children” but has promised Abram children, then I am not the channel that God will use to birth these children. There must be another.
BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU SEE!
YOUR SIGHT/PERSPECTIVE DETERMINES YOUR INTERPRETATION.

vs. 3-5 The narrative continues with Sarai choosing her Egyptian maid, Hagar to be the answer to God’s promise. Hagar was given a role that was not hers to fill and as such could not handle her new position. She became a victim of someone else’s wrong vision and subsequent wrong decision. Consequently, her sight also became affected and Hagar changed from being a humble servant to a haughty servant (vs.9). Her being in a wrong position gave her an incorrect perspective.
BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU SET OTHERS UP AS A RESULT OF YOUR DECISIONS!
WHEN WE ARE NOT POSITIONED RIGHT, WE CAN’T SEE RIGHT.

vs.6 Abram was seen as a passive character in this chapter. He heard his wife’s analysis of the promise of God and went along with her plan. According to Scripture, he did not waver at the promise of God (Romans 4:18-22). How he saw God did not change AND how he saw his wife did not change. Sarai may have become despised in Hagar’s eyes and in her own eyes, but in his eyes she was still his wife, and Hagar her maid.

vs. 7-14 In all of this God was also seeing. He saw but did not intervene. God did not step in and correct Sarai’s faulty sight/interpretation. He did not step in and correct Abram for following Sarai’s plan. He did not step in when Hagar’s vision also became faulty and her attitude changed toward Sarai. He did not step in when Sarai treated Hagar harshly and, He did not step in when Hagar was contemplating running away. He was seeing it all.

However, He stepped in after Hagar ran away and was in the wilderness on the way to Shur. God comes looking for us when we have exhausted our own efforts and are ready and open to hear and receive a word from Him. We are told that “the angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert...” (vs. 7-12). Her conversation with the Angel of the Lord reveals that God not only heard her affliction but He also saw her – Hagar. He is El-Roi, The God Who Sees.

Hagar was surprised that the Lord God would take notice of a mere Egyptian maid. She was shocked that He came looking for her; that He had thoughts about her and plans for her and her unborn child. He even maned her child and assured his prosperity.

Hagar could identify with the psalmist that wrote Psalms 139:1-6:

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

Friends, the Lord God is that God-Who-Sees-YOU and sees about YOU; the God-Who-Watches-Over-You. Even when your sight becomes blurry/faulty and you lose your way, He will find you and re-route you on your path home. He is the Lord God and He sees YOU!

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A Prayer for the Journey

… For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, 10 declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure,’ – Isaiah 46: 9-10

This morning I awoke thanking God for being the Author and Finisher of my faith, the God who knows the End from the Beginning. He is the God who have already walked through my life, has returned from the End, met me at the Beginning and is willing to walk with me at my pace to the Expected End.

He walks a little in front of me at times to lead and guide me into all truth. At other times, He carries me when I am unable to walk on my own. This is why I should be able to trust Him because He knows where He is going. He knows the pitfalls, obstacles, and the quick sands ahead. He knows. He knows. If I can just trust Him, I will never stumble or fall.

The difficulty that God has with us is that we don’t truly believe that He knows. We do not truly believe that He knows the End from the Beginning. If we did, we would trust Him unconditionally. Yet, in spite of our doubts and unbelief, He still chooses to walk with us, to be our partner on the journey. When we go astray, He finds us and re-routes us to the path that will lead to our Expected End. Thank You Lord for such mercy and forbearance.

Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for the numerous times that I have doubted You and as a result developed clouded vision as to where You were leading me. Forgive me for constantly straying, listening to the voice of another. Forgive me for not truly believing and, as such, hindering myself from trusting You as I should.

I cast off doubts and unbelief. I cast off carnality and living/walking by sight and not by faith. Please sensitize my spirit to the leading and the voice of Your Holy Spirit. Teach me Your ways and lead me in Your paths. Lord, revolutionize my life to reflect total surrender, faith, and trust in You. I give myself to You, all of me, for more of You.

Lord move on my heart like you have never moved before. Change my focus and my perspective. Change my expectations and my resulting speech. Let Your perfect will be done in and through me, for Christ’s sake, AMEN!

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Journeying through the Wilderness

“Because I did not know our purpose for being THERE, my expectations were wrong and, I unknowingly frustrated God’s purpose for our lives.”

These words can be found penned at the top of one of the pages of my journals. It was written at the turn of a new year some 4 years after we had been in the USA. My family had migrated to the USA in 2013 as the result of a prophetic word spoken about 10 years earlier. We came to the USA for ministry and with the expectation that ministry would birth forth and blossom quickly. We never bargained for a wilderness.

The journey through the wilderness lasted a few years, during which time I battled with and often found myself under the influence of spirits of discontent, dissatisfaction, and discouragement. My attitude and outlook during those years left much to be desired.

You see, the problem for me was that the Lord had directed us to another ministry during this wilderness time, until He would separate us for the work that He had sent us here to do, like He did with Saul and Barnabas (Acts 13:2-3 ). However, I found myself like the children of Israel, lusting after what WAS (our ministry back home, PFEM). I kept comparing what WAS with what “IS” and kept looking back.

What I did not realize at the time was that whereas PFEM was my place of growth in salvation and training for ministry, this new place was my place of testing, my wilderness. This was where God would humble me and prove me to know what was in my heart. This would be the place that God would use to stir and challenge our faith, teaching us how to survive in what might seem as uninhabited and barren places.

I really felt like I was in a bad place. I felt that somehow we had missed God, but as the Holy Spirit ministered to me, He showed me that it was not a bad place and we had not missed Him. He brought me to study the following two verses.

Exodus 13:17-18 (KJV) – 17 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:18 But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt.
Deuteronomy 8:2-3 (KJV) – 2 And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.

And this is what He shared with me.
1. The wilderness is not a bad thing or a bad place. The wilderness represents God’s love for and mercy towards us.
2. The wilderness is our place of transition before we enter and posses the Promised Land.
3. The wilderness is the place where God will develop our faith to be able to take possession of that Promised Land.
4. There is no need to be discouraged because the wilderness is not our destination, rather a part of the journey, a part of the process to get us to the Promised Land.

Friends, when we left Antigua, we felt like we were ready to possess the Promise. But God said, if we went directly the wars we would see/encounter would discourage us and cause us to repent (change our minds) from the “Yes” that we had said to this assignment. So, instead, He provided for us an alternate route that would take us through the wilderness, spending time THERE. How much more I could have learned? How much further we could have been? If I had only understood our purpose for being THERE.

I share this experience with you all today because I don’t want you to frustrate the purposes of God as a result of the navigational route that He has chosen for your journey. I don’t want You to waste Your time looking back at what was and miss what God has prepared for you now. Please remember that He is faithful and will perform what He has promised, but He may need to take you on a journey through the wilderness so that you can be sufficiently prepared for what He has promised.

Dear Holy Spirit, please help me not to resist Your wisdom in taking me through the wilderness. Help me not to resist Your training in developing my faith. May I rise in my faith believing truly that You are not a Man that You should lie, nor a son of man, that You should repent or change Your mind. May I be fully persuaded that if You said it, You will do it and if You spoke it, You will make it good. Father, I cast off the weight of every spirit of discontent and discouragement right now and receive the oil of joy and garment of praise. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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What If God Said “No”?

We often sing the song, “when the devil says “No”, God says, “Yes”. But what about when God says, “No”? What if God says, “No!”?

I can recall 4 characters in the Bible (of course there are more) from whom we can glean what our response should be when God says “No” to us. They are David, Moses, Amaziah, and Paul.

DAVID – 1 Samuel 30:1-8
David goes to God in prayer asking for a confirmation or negation on a question that he was pondering. “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” David went to God in prayer not with an answer already that he wanted to hear. He went to God because it was his habit not to lean not on his own understanding; but instead, in all his ways to acknowledge God, so that God could direct his paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Note: It was within David’s skill, his expertise, to pursue and overtake the troop, but he wanted to know God’s mind concerning it. He knew that by putting the question to God, he was opening himself to the possibility of hearing a “No”. However, if he was going to know God’s mind so as to be in God’s will, he had to ask. Fortunately for David, the answer was “Yes”.

2 Samuel 12: 13-23
However, years later, David is in another situation and again he goes before God in prayer, this time accompanied by fasting for 7 days. David was hoping and praying for a “Yes”, but this time got a “No”. What was David’s response to God’s “No”? David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped (vs. 20 – NKJV). He changed his attitude from grief and petition to worship.

MOSES -Deuteronomy 3: 23-28; 31: 1-2, 7-8; 34:1-2
Moses, in a moment of anger, disobeyed an instruction given to him by God. His punishment for that act of disobedience was that he would not be allowed to enter the Promised Land with the people. Moses, in a moment of regret pleaded with the Lord to change His mind about Moses crossing over into the Promised Land. Here is the account given in Deuteronomy 3:

23 “Then I pleaded with the Lord at that time, saying: 24 ‘O Lord God, You have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your [e]mighty hand, for what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do anything like Your works and Your mighty deeds? 25 I pray, let me cross over and see the good land beyond the Jordan, those pleasant mountains, and Lebanon.’ 26 “But the Lord was angry with me on your account, and would not listen to me. So the Lord said to me: ‘Enough of that! Speak no more to Me of this matter. 27 Go up to the top of Pisgah, and lift your eyes toward the west, the north, the south, and the east; behold it with your eyes, for you shall not cross over this Jordan. 28 But command Joshua, and encourage him and strengthen him; for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which you will see.’

Sometimes God tells us “No” and requires us to keep on working; keep on encouraging others. What was Moses’ response to God’s “No”? Moses’ attitude was one of acceptance and obedience, as he prepared Joshua to be the next leader.

AMAZIAH – 2 Chronicles 25
What if God says “No” after you’ve invested monies and energies into a project? Would you be able to trust Him to provide and make the way?
Amaziah was a king of Judah who did that which was right in the sight of the Lord, but not with a perfect heart. As such, he put an army together without consulting God. He hired 100,00 mighty men of valor out of Israel for a sum of 100 talents of silver (~$600, 000 today). Let’s read the account in 2 Chronicles 25:7-10.

7 But a man of God came to him and said, “Your Majesty, these troops from Israel must not march with you, for the Lord is not with Israel—not with any of the people of Ephraim. 8 Even if you go and fight courageously in battle, God will overthrow you before the enemy, for God has the power to help or to overthrow.” 9 Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about the hundred talents I paid for these Israelite troops?” The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.”

What was Amaziah’s response to God’s “No”? – He trusted the word of the Lord, through His prophet, and obeyed. 10 So Amaziah dismissed the troops who had come to him from Ephraim and sent them home.

PAUL – Acts 16: 1-10
Sometimes God doesn’t stop us initially but on the way. What do we do when He says “No” then? Paul can testify to the fact that God doesn’t always intervene at the beginning of our ventures, but He signals a halt while we’re on the way.

Paul and his team started out doing a good thing but did not consult God while on the way. Acts 16: 6-8 (NIV) states that 6 Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. 7 When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. 8 So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. Paul was not offended every time God said “No, not there.” He did not get an attitude with God. Instead, he just changed the direction that he was heading every time until he eventually got it right. He was living by his mantra in Philippians 3:14 (NIV) – “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me….”

  1. What question have you been asking God with an answer that you have already determined you want to hear?
  2. What are you still sulking about or grieving over after God has already said “No”?
  3. Why have you stopped working and being faithful to God because He told you “No”?
  4. What won’t you let go or give up after God has already told you, “That’s a NO”?
  5. Has God told you “Yes” or given you permission to head down that path, that direction, or on that journey?

Can you accept “NO”?

WHAT IF GOD SAID, “NO!’?

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Don’t Waste Your Time!

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: – Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. – Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NKJV)

The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor bread to the wise,
Nor riches to men of understanding,
Nor favor to men of skill;
But time and chance happen to them all. – Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NKJV)

  1. Everything has a season.
  2. Every purpose has a time; and every time has its purpose.
  3. God makes everything (every purpose) beautiful in its time.
  4. There is no negative (bad) or positive (good) time. All times are set or ordained by God.
  5. Ask God to reveal to you the beauty of your current time, whether you perceive that time as bad or good.
  6. Don’t let your talent, strength, wisdom, intellect, or skills or lack thereof determine what you do with the time given. These are not the deciding factor in your results; time and chance are.
  7. Could it be that the time for x has expired and we are still doing x’s work in y’s time?
  8. Could it be that you are out of your current time?
  9. Embrace the beauty of the present! Embrace the beauty of your current time!
  10. Don’t waste your time and chance given today!

Thank you Lord for the time that You have given me today. Please help me Lord not to be constantly looking back desiring to return to things of the past. Help me to remember that everything has a season and every purpose has a time. Help me Lord to endeavor to focus on the current purpose and the current season so that I won’t waste my current time. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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A Tribute to My Father

Today is the last day of October. October was the birth month of my father, Conroy Chiddick, who passed away two years ago. This morning, I paused a little longer than usual remembering him, and I decided to dedicate this month’s post to him, in honor of his memory.

A father’s love ….
As I observe the interactions between children and parents, most of the time it seems as if the mothers’ expression of their love to and for their children is more easily discernible than that of the fathers’. The fathers’ expression of love is usually evident in their determination to provide clothing, food, shelter, protection, etc for those entrusted to their care.

For me, this was the case in my home. My father was a provider. Growing up, I cannot recall a time when I was “in need” and, I know this was primarily because of the hard work of my father. He went out and labored, brought the money home, and gave it to Mummy to meet our needs.

I recall my father, though known as a quiet, serious man during my childhood years, never hid his love for me. He showed his love for me by always seeking me out and finding ways to spend time with me.

One of the activities we shared together, even into my adulthood, was our love for martial arts movies. I can recall him asking in his quiet, humorous way if I wanted to watch a movie. We would select one of the “old ones” and then sit to watch. He would sit their quietly watching while I did a running commentary, commenting on the techniques, the characters, and anything that got my interest. You could hear me shouting, “Whoa! Daddy did you see that move?” He would smile or chuckle and go back to enjoying the movie. At the end, he would say, “That was a good one!” signaling that our time together was over; another time of reinforcement of our love for each other and joy being in each other’s presence.

I remember on the night when I received the phone call to tell me that he had transitioned from this life to the next, I felt numb. In an effort to sort through my feelings, I took out my journal and wrote: My father was the first man who ever loved me. His love was not because of anything I had done or anything that I had achieved. From the start, he loved me because I was his.

With tears in my eyes, I remembered that even when I disappointed him and broke his heart severely because of a choice I made in my late teen years, it didn’t change his love for me. Although, in his hurt and pain, he turned away for a while, that love drew his heart back to mine. I remembered how he wept at my wedding because he felt like he was losing me to another, not realizing that no one can take the place of a father’s love.

As I reminisced about my father’s love for me, I realized that his love for me was similar to that of our Heavenly Father.
– Our Heavenly Father is the One whom we can trust to provide, clothe, shelter, and protect us; the One who meets our every need.
– Our Heavenly Father always seeks us out, enjoying just spending time with us. He is pleased just to have us near, sitting with him, finding joy in His presence.
– Our Heavenly Father was the first to ever love us, not because of anything that we had done or anything we had achieved, but just because we are His.

Thank you Daddy for introducing me to a father’s love; for setting the foundation for me to be able to recognize and trust the love of our Heavenly Father. Because of you, I know what it is to just sit in God’s presence and enjoy being loved and loving Him in return. I know what it is to give Him a running commentary of my life and look to hear His answer, as He smiles at/with me and then returns to sharing the moment with me. Because of you, I have the spiritual legacy of a Heavenly Father. Thank you for loving me just for me. I miss you and your love but know that we will soon be reunited, as we both bask in the presence of our Father’s love.

DIG DEEPER:
PRAYER ROOM: A Prayer for Fathers

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You are NOT Too Late! It’s Not Over!

It is Thursday night and, as is our custom, we have gathered for prayer. John, my 12-year old son, lifts his voice as he makes his approach to the Throne of Grace. His sister Grace, sitting beside him, also lifts her voice in support of him, as he carries our requests to the Father.

I am not exactly sure of what he said that caught my attention, but something did. I opened my eyes and saw them both, heads bowed, eyes closed, their countenance portraying the fervor of their hearts’ convictions. As I looked at them, I was no longer in my bedroom in South Carolina in 2020, but I was in another bedroom, in another country, over a decade ago.

I traveled through the years, visiting a number of bedrooms, seeing mirror images of the same scene – my son and daughter at various ages with heads bowed, petitioning the Father. A strong feeling of gratitude washed over me, as my mind returned to the present, and I whispered ever so softly, “Thank you, Jesus.”

Those images and that feeling of gratitude stayed with me long after we were finished praying. Later that night, I approached the Father alone and asked that He would preserve that which was implanted in them from early childhood. As I talked to the Father, I was reminded of Philippians 2:13, “For it is God who worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” I thanked the Father for working in me BOTH to have the desire AND follow through in regards to being that mother who would teach her children to trust, and therefore, call on God.

As I continued communing with the Father about Grace and John, I remembered my eldest child – Persephanie (Sephie). She was the product of a teenage pregnancy. She was the child I almost aborted; the child I chose to keep, but was never really a mother to. As I thought of Sephie, I heard a voice say to me, “What were you doing with Sephie when she was 12 and 14 years old, the ages that John and Grace are now? You did not do for her, when she was in her early childhood, what you did for them? You gave her what money could buy, showered her with gifts but failed to instill a love for and trust in God the Father. You gave her things but gave them God. You are to be blamed for how she turned out. You were not a good mother!”

A wave of guilt and regret washed over me, just as gratitude did just a few hours earlier. Again, I whispered ever so softly, “Lord, I am sorry. Please forgive me.” This has been a cry of my heart, most times when I think of my eldest daughter. I often have to remind myself that God has already forgiven me and I need to embrace that forgiveness and forgive myself. It is a battle I face from time to time, a battle with guilt and regret.

Nevertheless, true to His character, the Lord God did not condemn me, but immediately reminded me of the truth. Once again, my mind traveled back in time, walking through the years from the time I knew of her conception up to when she left home for college. I was reminded that back then it was all about me – my hurt, my pain, my abandonment, my needs. On the outside, Sephie was a well-cared for child, all of her physical needs were met, but there was no emotional connection that would serve as a bridge for impartation. I was too busy searching for my needs to be filled.

Not so now! I have lived long enough to learn through experience that my life is NOT about me nor for me. My life is for and about my assignment, my purpose; for the saving, nurturing, and preserving of those whom God has entrusted to me. The Lord God reminded me that learning and embracing that truth has made me free and now I am free to address the consequences of my past missteps.

The Lord God reminded me, “IT’S NOT OVER YET! “

The Lord God reminded me, “IT’S NOT TOO LATE!“

Sephie is my seed and she too is blessed. He promised in Isaiah 49:24-25, “… For I will contend with him who contends with you, and I will save your children.” He also promised in Jeremiah 31:16-17 that He will reward the work of my hand and cause my children to return from the land of the enemy.

My dear sisters, the adversary of my soul wanted me to be weighed down by shame, guilt, and regrets so that, once again, it would be about me and not about my purpose of preserving lives, my child’s life. But thanks be to God, who causes us to triumph through Christ Jesus, I was able to hear a word from the Lord God, YOU ARE NOT TOO LATE….IT’S NOT OVER!!

As women, this is another common battle that we have to learn to face and conquer: forgiving ourselves for the things we regret doing/not doing and gaining strength to face the consequences of those decisions. If you are wrestling against the spirits of shame, guilt, and/or regrets, know that God is not holding your past against you. He is waiting for you to come and reason with Him so that He can direct your path in pursuing, overtaking, and recovering all.

I left my conversation with the Lord, having an assurance that although my daughter – my firstborn – is currently being held captive in the camp of the enemy, God is with me to go get her, overtake the head start of the enemy, and RECOVER ALL!

Dear Father, Please grant me the faith, courage, and endurance to keep on pursuing the adversary who took my daughter, until I have overtaken him and recovered all, IN JESUS’NAME, Amen!

DIG DEEPER:

  1. Devotional: It’s Not Too Late! PURSUE ….
  2. Prayer Room: Warfare for My Children

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Two Mothers

My focus of study for this month was the Old Testament book of Leviticus. As I neared its end and read the story of Shelomith, I began to think of the many women in the Bible who had to live through the consequences of unwise decisions of their loved ones. We were not given the details of how they were affected, but we know that they were affected nonetheless.

Here is a poem that I came across a few years ago which forced me to think of my sisters from Biblical days in a new light, Two Mothers.

TWO MOTHERS

Long time ago, so I have been told,
Two angels once met on streets paved with gold.
“By the stars in your crown,” said the one to the other
“I see that on earth, you too, were a mother.

And by, the blue-tinted halo you wear
“You, too, have known sorrow and deepest despair…”
“Ah yes,” she replied, “I once had a son,
A sweet little lad, full of laughter and fun.”

“But tell of your child.” “Oh, I knew I was blessed
From the moment I first held him close to my breast,
And my heart almost burst with the joy of that day.”
“Ah, yes,” said the other, “I felt the same way.”

The former continued: “The first steps he took-
So eager and breathless; the sweet startled look
Which came over his face – he trusted me so.”
“Ah, yes,” said the other, “How well do I know”

“But soon he had grown to a tall handsome boy,
So stalwart and kind – and it gave me so much joy
To have him just walk down the street by my side”
“Ah yes, “said the other mother,
“I felt the same pride.”

“How often I shielded and spared him from pain
And when he for others was so cruelly slain.
When they crucified him – and they spat in his face
How gladly would I have hung there in his place!”

A moment of silence – “Oh then you are she –
The mother of Christ”; and she fell on one knee.
But the Blessed one raised her up, drawing her near,
And kissed from the cheek of the woman, a tear.

“Tell me the name of the son you love so,
That I may share with your grief and your woe.”
She lifted her eyes, looking straight at the other,
“He was Judas Iscariot: I am his mother.”

Author Unknown

As ezerwatchers, we are connected so strongly to those to whom we have been assigned to “help” that there are times when their decisions and actions pierce us in ways which seems so hard to bear. What do we do then? From where can we find help? To whom do we go for comfort and relief from the pain?

Hebrews 12:2-3 (NIV) states “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

This is how The Message Bible paraphrases these verses: “Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!”

My dear sisters, today I agree with you in prayer that your faith will not fail.

I declare that you will not drown under the heaviness of sorrows brought on by loss.

You will not be overcome by any evil, but you will walk as you are – more than a conqueror through Him that loves you.

Receive the strength of God this day!

Receive grace for the journey!

Know that you are NOT alone!

You are making it and will make it to the end!

DIG DEEPER:
1. Devotional – Shelomith