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Journeying through the Wilderness

“Because I did not know our purpose for being THERE, my expectations were wrong and, I unknowingly frustrated God’s purpose for our lives.”

These words can be found penned at the top of one of the pages of my journals. It was written at the turn of a new year some 4 years after we had been in the USA. My family had migrated to the USA in 2013 as the result of a prophetic word spoken about 10 years earlier. We came to the USA for ministry and with the expectation that ministry would birth forth and blossom quickly. We never bargained for a wilderness.

The journey through the wilderness lasted a few years, during which time I battled with and often found myself under the influence of spirits of discontent, dissatisfaction, and discouragement. My attitude and outlook during those years left much to be desired.

You see, the problem for me was that the Lord had directed us to another ministry during this wilderness time, until He would separate us for the work that He had sent us here to do, like He did with Saul and Barnabas (Acts 13:2-3 ). However, I found myself like the children of Israel, lusting after what WAS (our ministry back home, PFEM). I kept comparing what WAS with what “IS” and kept looking back.

What I did not realize at the time was that whereas PFEM was my place of growth in salvation and training for ministry, this new place was my place of testing, my wilderness. This was where God would humble me and prove me to know what was in my heart. This would be the place that God would use to stir and challenge our faith, teaching us how to survive in what might seem as uninhabited and barren places.

I really felt like I was in a bad place. I felt that somehow we had missed God, but as the Holy Spirit ministered to me, He showed me that it was not a bad place and we had not missed Him. He brought me to study the following two verses.

Exodus 13:17-18 (KJV) – 17 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:18 But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt.
Deuteronomy 8:2-3 (KJV) – 2 And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.

And this is what He shared with me.
1. The wilderness is not a bad thing or a bad place. The wilderness represents God’s love for and mercy towards us.
2. The wilderness is our place of transition before we enter and posses the Promised Land.
3. The wilderness is the place where God will develop our faith to be able to take possession of that Promised Land.
4. There is no need to be discouraged because the wilderness is not our destination, rather a part of the journey, a part of the process to get us to the Promised Land.

Friends, when we left Antigua, we felt like we were ready to possess the Promise. But God said, if we went directly the wars we would see/encounter would discourage us and cause us to repent (change our minds) from the “Yes” that we had said to this assignment. So, instead, He provided for us an alternate route that would take us through the wilderness, spending time THERE. How much more I could have learned? How much further we could have been? If I had only understood our purpose for being THERE.

I share this experience with you all today because I don’t want you to frustrate the purposes of God as a result of the navigational route that He has chosen for your journey. I don’t want You to waste Your time looking back at what was and miss what God has prepared for you now. Please remember that He is faithful and will perform what He has promised, but He may need to take you on a journey through the wilderness so that you can be sufficiently prepared for what He has promised.

Dear Holy Spirit, please help me not to resist Your wisdom in taking me through the wilderness. Help me not to resist Your training in developing my faith. May I rise in my faith believing truly that You are not a Man that You should lie, nor a son of man, that You should repent or change Your mind. May I be fully persuaded that if You said it, You will do it and if You spoke it, You will make it good. Father, I cast off the weight of every spirit of discontent and discouragement right now and receive the oil of joy and garment of praise. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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What If God Said “No”?

We often sing the song, “when the devil says “No”, God says, “Yes”. But what about when God says, “No”? What if God says, “No!”?

I can recall 4 characters in the Bible (of course there are more) from whom we can glean what our response should be when God says “No” to us. They are David, Moses, Amaziah, and Paul.

DAVID – 1 Samuel 30:1-8
David goes to God in prayer asking for a confirmation or negation on a question that he was pondering. “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” David went to God in prayer not with an answer already that he wanted to hear. He went to God because it was his habit not to lean not on his own understanding; but instead, in all his ways to acknowledge God, so that God could direct his paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Note: It was within David’s skill, his expertise, to pursue and overtake the troop, but he wanted to know God’s mind concerning it. He knew that by putting the question to God, he was opening himself to the possibility of hearing a “No”. However, if he was going to know God’s mind so as to be in God’s will, he had to ask. Fortunately for David, the answer was “Yes”.

2 Samuel 12: 13-23
However, years later, David is in another situation and again he goes before God in prayer, this time accompanied by fasting for 7 days. David was hoping and praying for a “Yes”, but this time got a “No”. What was David’s response to God’s “No”? David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped (vs. 20 – NKJV). He changed his attitude from grief and petition to worship.

MOSES -Deuteronomy 3: 23-28; 31: 1-2, 7-8; 34:1-2
Moses, in a moment of anger, disobeyed an instruction given to him by God. His punishment for that act of disobedience was that he would not be allowed to enter the Promised Land with the people. Moses, in a moment of regret pleaded with the Lord to change His mind about Moses crossing over into the Promised Land. Here is the account given in Deuteronomy 3:

23 “Then I pleaded with the Lord at that time, saying: 24 ‘O Lord God, You have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your [e]mighty hand, for what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do anything like Your works and Your mighty deeds? 25 I pray, let me cross over and see the good land beyond the Jordan, those pleasant mountains, and Lebanon.’ 26 “But the Lord was angry with me on your account, and would not listen to me. So the Lord said to me: ‘Enough of that! Speak no more to Me of this matter. 27 Go up to the top of Pisgah, and lift your eyes toward the west, the north, the south, and the east; behold it with your eyes, for you shall not cross over this Jordan. 28 But command Joshua, and encourage him and strengthen him; for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which you will see.’

Sometimes God tells us “No” and requires us to keep on working; keep on encouraging others. What was Moses’ response to God’s “No”? Moses’ attitude was one of acceptance and obedience, as he prepared Joshua to be the next leader.

AMAZIAH – 2 Chronicles 25
What if God says “No” after you’ve invested monies and energies into a project? Would you be able to trust Him to provide and make the way?
Amaziah was a king of Judah who did that which was right in the sight of the Lord, but not with a perfect heart. As such, he put an army together without consulting God. He hired 100,00 mighty men of valor out of Israel for a sum of 100 talents of silver (~$600, 000 today). Let’s read the account in 2 Chronicles 25:7-10.

7 But a man of God came to him and said, “Your Majesty, these troops from Israel must not march with you, for the Lord is not with Israel—not with any of the people of Ephraim. 8 Even if you go and fight courageously in battle, God will overthrow you before the enemy, for God has the power to help or to overthrow.” 9 Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about the hundred talents I paid for these Israelite troops?” The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.”

What was Amaziah’s response to God’s “No”? – He trusted the word of the Lord, through His prophet, and obeyed. 10 So Amaziah dismissed the troops who had come to him from Ephraim and sent them home.

PAUL – Acts 16: 1-10
Sometimes God doesn’t stop us initially but on the way. What do we do when He says “No” then? Paul can testify to the fact that God doesn’t always intervene at the beginning of our ventures, but He signals a halt while we’re on the way.

Paul and his team started out doing a good thing but did not consult God while on the way. Acts 16: 6-8 (NIV) states that 6 Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. 7 When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. 8 So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. Paul was not offended every time God said “No, not there.” He did not get an attitude with God. Instead, he just changed the direction that he was heading every time until he eventually got it right. He was living by his mantra in Philippians 3:14 (NIV) – “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me….”

  1. What question have you been asking God with an answer that you have already determined you want to hear?
  2. What are you still sulking about or grieving over after God has already said “No”?
  3. Why have you stopped working and being faithful to God because He told you “No”?
  4. What won’t you let go or give up after God has already told you, “That’s a NO”?
  5. Has God told you “Yes” or given you permission to head down that path, that direction, or on that journey?

Can you accept “NO”?

WHAT IF GOD SAID, “NO!’?

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Don’t Waste Your Time!

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: – Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. – Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NKJV)

The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor bread to the wise,
Nor riches to men of understanding,
Nor favor to men of skill;
But time and chance happen to them all. – Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NKJV)

  1. Everything has a season.
  2. Every purpose has a time; and every time has its purpose.
  3. God makes everything (every purpose) beautiful in its time.
  4. There is no negative (bad) or positive (good) time. All times are set or ordained by God.
  5. Ask God to reveal to you the beauty of your current time, whether you perceive that time as bad or good.
  6. Don’t let your talent, strength, wisdom, intellect, or skills or lack thereof determine what you do with the time given. These are not the deciding factor in your results; time and chance are.
  7. Could it be that the time for x has expired and we are still doing x’s work in y’s time?
  8. Could it be that you are out of your current time?
  9. Embrace the beauty of the present! Embrace the beauty of your current time!
  10. Don’t waste your time and chance given today!

Thank you Lord for the time that You have given me today. Please help me Lord not to be constantly looking back desiring to return to things of the past. Help me to remember that everything has a season and every purpose has a time. Help me Lord to endeavor to focus on the current purpose and the current season so that I won’t waste my current time. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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Left Wide Open

Not a man remained in Ai or Bethel who did not go after Israel. They left the city open and went in pursuit of Israel. – Joshua 8:17 (NIV)

More and more lately, as the Lord speaks to me, He keeps on reminding me about the FIGHT. He cautions me not to forget who I am and whose I am. He admonishes me to be on guard. Today, I was reminded of this once again when I re-read this journal entry from 2 years ago. I pray it is a blessing to you, as you stay positioned in the The Fight.

On Friday morning, I read Joshua 8 as my devotional and, one verse in particular stood out to me – verse 17. It pointed out that all the men of Ai left the city open and pursued after Israel. As I read the full account , two thoughts penetrated my mind: LEFT WIDE OPEN and DON’T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!

As I pondered on both thoughts, I heard that we must constantly be reminded that we are in a war. Although we often forget this fact, our adversary does not. As such, he is always strategizing against us. One such strategy is SETTING AN AMBUSH against our city; against our dwelling space. An ambush is a surprise attack on someone from a concealed position. Let’s read the account to see how this was executed:

Joshua 8: 4- 7 (NIV) –“Listen carefully. You are to set an ambush behind the city. Don’t go very far from it. All of you be on the alert. 5 I and all those with me will advance on the city, and when the men come out against us, as they did before, we will flee from them. 6 They will pursue us until we have lured them away from the city, for they will say, ‘They are running away from us as they did before.’ So when we flee from them, 7 you are to rise up from ambush and take the city. 13 So the soldiers took up their positions—with the main camp to the north of the city and the ambush to the west of it. That night Joshua went into the valley. 14 When the king of Ai saw this, he and all the men of the city hurried out early in the morning to meet Israel in battle at a certain place overlooking the Arabah. But he did not know that an ambush had been set against him behind the city.

STEPS OUR ADVERSARY TAKES IN AN AMBUSH AGAINST US:
1. He sends something that would lure (draw) us away from our “city”: our place of security, protection, or refuge. Something that seems like an attack but it’s just a distraction.
2. He gives us a false sense of security or victory.
3. He gets our attention fixed on the pursuit.
4. He causes us to be in a hurry to achieve, to rush out without first doing the proper reconnaissance, not realizing that an ambush has been set.

Scripture teaches us that we are to be on guard. 1 Peter 5:8 (NKJV) states, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” One of the things that ensures that we are not left open or vulnerable is prayer.

When life’s cares, joys, pains, schedules, etc. come in the way of my prayer life, I am as that city, left wide open.

When I stop being vigilant in prayer, stop being cautious in my daily interactions, and become relaxed spiritually, I am left wide open.

Prayerlessness makes me vulnerable to the enemy.

Prayerlessness weakens and eventually removes my cover/protection and exposes me to the deception of the enemy.

Prayerlessness is evidence that I have let down my guard.

Friends, if you and those who are a part of your space are going to remain protected, you need to guard against leaving your “city” wide open. Do not be ignorant of the devices of the adversary. Remember who you are. You have been called to and anointed to fight. You are `ezer – an agent of the kingdom heaven empowered as a military ally to fight on behalf of the citizens of this kingdom. Remember, even when it seems as if nothing is happening, the fight is still on. DON’T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN and DON’T BE FOUND WIDE OPEN!

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Allergens

…to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil (Hebrews 5:14 KJV).

I have never been diagnosed with sinusitis nor a sinus infection but, I have had some serious allergy problems during certain seasons. A few years ago, I was out of school for a couple of days because of allergies. My allergic reaction was so bad that my usual dose of Zyrtec could not relieve the symptoms. I had to get a butt shot (OUCH!!) to be able to return to school.

During the spring and summer months, my immune system goes into major battle mode. For at least half of the year, my body wages war against allergens. An allergen is any substance that triggers the immune system, causing an allergic reaction. Some allergens include dust, mold, pollen, and pet dander. Although harmless, they are recognized by my immune system as harmful. Whenever they are present in my environment, my immune system overreacts producing antibodies to attack and destroy them, thus defending the body from this invasion.

The battle is evident by the symptoms manifesting in my body: sneezing, watery eyes, itching eyes, ears, roof of mouth, throat and nose, congestion, runny nose, and sometimes wheezing. The severity of the symptoms are determined by the type and amount of allergens encountered and by how my immune system decides to react to them. So now, I can tell when there is an allergen in my environment. I may not be able to identify its source or what exactly it is, but I know it is present. How do I know? The symptoms.

However, although these allergens are harmless, there are microorganisms such as bacteria, viruses, and fungi that do pose a real threat to the body. The immune system is given to us to defend the body, by keeping these invaders out or by destroying infections caused by those invaders that successfully gain entrance.

As in the natural so it is in the spiritual. There are things in our spiritual environment that triggers our spiritual immune system to go into battle-mode. I want my spiritual system to be so sensitive that I can detect when the adversary or his agents are in my environment. I want to be acquainted with the symptoms that will inform my understanding that a battle is raging in my spiritual atmosphere. I want to be aware of when there is a need to launch an attack, neutralize the potency of every would-be invader, and stop their advancement, causing them to retreat. This sensitivity will guarantee maintenance of my spiritual health and wellbeing.

One of the ways that I can gain such sensitivity is by growing from being a babe in Christ that can only handle milk into the woman that God had designed and equipped me to be; that perfected woman – one who is of full age – skilful in the word of righteousness. This acquired skill develops by reason of use, that is by having my senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5: 13-14 KJV).

Heavenly Father, please help me to grow up. Help me in this discovery of who I am to find myself in Your word and be transformed. May I become able to handle the strong meat of Your word. Help me to practice living by Your word daily so that by reason of use, I can have my senses exercised to detect the invaders in my atmosphere and be successful as a warrior in Your kingdom. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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Good Gifts

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven s to them that ask Him? – Matthew 7:11 (KJV)

The house was silent. Almost everyone was still asleep. I stood in the bathroom with the door ajar, watching my unsuspecting daughter tip toe to the breakfast table. She was looking for something, and when she finally saw it, lifted her hand and shouted a silent, “Yay!!”

It was the morning of her 13th birthday and, she had been waiting and hoping for an XBox One for over 9 months now. The house, well actually her brother, already had an XBox 360 but that was outdated and could not support the SIMS games, which were her new hobby for about a year now.

The XBox One that she wanted cost about 3 times what we would usually budget for birthday gifts and so her hope for an XBox One was more like wishful thinking. However, she made her desire known to me and, as the months passed by, she did her research on the XBox One. Every now and then, she would come and share her findings with me. My response was to encourage her to pray and not lose hope or faith. I would say to her, “Right now it doesn’t look possible, but you never know….”

So here we were on the morning of her birthday and she is praying on the drive to school, “Thank You Lord for giving me a good birthday.” The cost for us was a lot. It ate a hole in our pockets but, her pleasure gave us pleasure.

Later in the day, as my mind looked back at what I witnessed earlier that morning, I was struck by the difference between Grace’s choices of birthday gifts and John’s choices of birthday gifts. Over the years a pattern was developing. Grace usually asks for things that cost much simply because she desires them so much. When John is asked what he wants for his birthday or Christmas, he does not think of what he wants first, instead he thinks of us and what he thinks we can afford. Consequently, he doesn’t usually ask for much.

As I considered that, I thought of us – God’s sons and daughters. We do the same thing with God, like John does with us. We limit what we think He can “afford”; what we think He will/can do for us and so ask for and expect little. We limit our requests when it is time to let our requests be made known unto Him. We don’t ask for what our hearts really desire. For some, we don’t even dare desire or hope because we believe that we will not receive it. But do you know that God says? If we but ask, he will give us much more than this. In fact, He is the God who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20 NIV). He is our Father and delights in giving us good gifts.

Later, I asked Grace if she knew what was the reason she got that gift. I explained to her that it was not because of my persuasive skills. She got that gift because she earned it. You see, we had attended her required 8th Grade Individual Graduation Progress (IGP) meeting a few weeks before her birthday. Her father was so impressed by what the Guidance Counselor told him Grace had achieved academically that after the meeting he said to me, “What did Grace say she wanted for her birthday again? How much does it cost? We have to find a way! She deserves it!“

Friends, the Bible says, “When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” – (Proverbs 16:7 – NKJV). God specializes in giving good gifts. Don’t limit what you ask Him. Make Him proud and watch Him, not find a way but MAKE THE WAY. He is waiting for you to prove to yourself that He is a Father who not only knows how to give good gifts, but actually gives good gifts every time.

Such knowledge of our access to the heart and therefore the treasury of our Father adds to our strength as warriors in this kingdom, empowering us to become even more effective in fulfilling our various assignments here on earth. Let conviction and hope arise in you today, standing in the confidence of whose you are.

Dear Lord, please restore my ability to hope. I need my hope to come alive because faith is the substance of things hoped for; the realization of whatever I hope for. Help me Father not to limit you to my limited hopes and desires. Deliver me from the mindset of settling; from the mindset of doubt. Cause me to prove to myself the Great, Omnipotent God that You are and rise in victory today. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

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A Prayer to Start My Day

Hello Friends! November is my birth month and, in celebration, I would like to bless you with daily posts this month. Each post will be either a prayer, devotional, or a short study that I have taken from my personal prayer journals, spanning the past 7 years. I pray that they will be a source of blessing and inspiration for you, as they have been for me.

Dear Holy Spirit,
I CONFESS! – I have departed from that first instruction You gave me, “Come here! Spend at least one hour with me daily.”

I CONFESS! – I have not been in agreement with You in my actions.

I CONFESS! – I have not been attending to Your voice so I can hear, know and heed Your instructions.

I CONFESS! – I have been doing what was right in my own eyes and, as such, have reaped the fruits of disorder in my life, and have frustrated the grace of God.

Father, please forgive me. Cleanse me from all unrighteousness that I have allowed into my heart and life. Holy Spirit, please come again and make Your abode within me. Please no longer stand afar and watch my demise.

I thank You for speaking to me again, for getting my attention through that dream. Thank you for guiding me with Your eye.

Now, I commit my day into Your hand and ask for sensitivity to Your voice and leading today.
Let Your kingdom come and let Your will be done in me as it is in heaven.
Cause me to walk into those things that You have prepared for me today.

Thank You that Goodness and Mercy are following me today.
Thank You that Your hand of favor and the glow of Your anointing is evident upon my life today.
Thank You that Blessings are attracted to me today.
Favor is attracted to me today.
Money is attracted to me today.
Health is attracted to me today.
Prosperity is attracted to me today.
Good Success is attracted to me today.

The glory of the Lord is upon me, goes before me, and is my rearguard.
Today, I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Today I go forth in expectancy to see all You have prepared for me.
THANK YOU LORD!!!

You are so good and faithful; my heart has no need to fear!
THANK YOU LORD!!!

Amen!

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A Tribute to My Father

Today is the last day of October. October was the birth month of my father, Conroy Chiddick, who passed away two years ago. This morning, I paused a little longer than usual remembering him, and I decided to dedicate this month’s post to him, in honor of his memory.

A father’s love ….
As I observe the interactions between children and parents, most of the time it seems as if the mothers’ expression of their love to and for their children is more easily discernible than that of the fathers’. The fathers’ expression of love is usually evident in their determination to provide clothing, food, shelter, protection, etc for those entrusted to their care.

For me, this was the case in my home. My father was a provider. Growing up, I cannot recall a time when I was “in need” and, I know this was primarily because of the hard work of my father. He went out and labored, brought the money home, and gave it to Mummy to meet our needs.

I recall my father, though known as a quiet, serious man during my childhood years, never hid his love for me. He showed his love for me by always seeking me out and finding ways to spend time with me.

One of the activities we shared together, even into my adulthood, was our love for martial arts movies. I can recall him asking in his quiet, humorous way if I wanted to watch a movie. We would select one of the “old ones” and then sit to watch. He would sit their quietly watching while I did a running commentary, commenting on the techniques, the characters, and anything that got my interest. You could hear me shouting, “Whoa! Daddy did you see that move?” He would smile or chuckle and go back to enjoying the movie. At the end, he would say, “That was a good one!” signaling that our time together was over; another time of reinforcement of our love for each other and joy being in each other’s presence.

I remember on the night when I received the phone call to tell me that he had transitioned from this life to the next, I felt numb. In an effort to sort through my feelings, I took out my journal and wrote: My father was the first man who ever loved me. His love was not because of anything I had done or anything that I had achieved. From the start, he loved me because I was his.

With tears in my eyes, I remembered that even when I disappointed him and broke his heart severely because of a choice I made in my late teen years, it didn’t change his love for me. Although, in his hurt and pain, he turned away for a while, that love drew his heart back to mine. I remembered how he wept at my wedding because he felt like he was losing me to another, not realizing that no one can take the place of a father’s love.

As I reminisced about my father’s love for me, I realized that his love for me was similar to that of our Heavenly Father.
– Our Heavenly Father is the One whom we can trust to provide, clothe, shelter, and protect us; the One who meets our every need.
– Our Heavenly Father always seeks us out, enjoying just spending time with us. He is pleased just to have us near, sitting with him, finding joy in His presence.
– Our Heavenly Father was the first to ever love us, not because of anything that we had done or anything we had achieved, but just because we are His.

Thank you Daddy for introducing me to a father’s love; for setting the foundation for me to be able to recognize and trust the love of our Heavenly Father. Because of you, I know what it is to just sit in God’s presence and enjoy being loved and loving Him in return. I know what it is to give Him a running commentary of my life and look to hear His answer, as He smiles at/with me and then returns to sharing the moment with me. Because of you, I have the spiritual legacy of a Heavenly Father. Thank you for loving me just for me. I miss you and your love but know that we will soon be reunited, as we both bask in the presence of our Father’s love.

DIG DEEPER:
PRAYER ROOM: A Prayer for Fathers

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You are NOT Too Late! It’s Not Over!

It is Thursday night and, as is our custom, we have gathered for prayer. John, my 12-year old son, lifts his voice as he makes his approach to the Throne of Grace. His sister Grace, sitting beside him, also lifts her voice in support of him, as he carries our requests to the Father.

I am not exactly sure of what he said that caught my attention, but something did. I opened my eyes and saw them both, heads bowed, eyes closed, their countenance portraying the fervor of their hearts’ convictions. As I looked at them, I was no longer in my bedroom in South Carolina in 2020, but I was in another bedroom, in another country, over a decade ago.

I traveled through the years, visiting a number of bedrooms, seeing mirror images of the same scene – my son and daughter at various ages with heads bowed, petitioning the Father. A strong feeling of gratitude washed over me, as my mind returned to the present, and I whispered ever so softly, “Thank you, Jesus.”

Those images and that feeling of gratitude stayed with me long after we were finished praying. Later that night, I approached the Father alone and asked that He would preserve that which was implanted in them from early childhood. As I talked to the Father, I was reminded of Philippians 2:13, “For it is God who worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” I thanked the Father for working in me BOTH to have the desire AND follow through in regards to being that mother who would teach her children to trust, and therefore, call on God.

As I continued communing with the Father about Grace and John, I remembered my eldest child – Persephanie (Sephie). She was the product of a teenage pregnancy. She was the child I almost aborted; the child I chose to keep, but was never really a mother to. As I thought of Sephie, I heard a voice say to me, “What were you doing with Sephie when she was 12 and 14 years old, the ages that John and Grace are now? You did not do for her, when she was in her early childhood, what you did for them? You gave her what money could buy, showered her with gifts but failed to instill a love for and trust in God the Father. You gave her things but gave them God. You are to be blamed for how she turned out. You were not a good mother!”

A wave of guilt and regret washed over me, just as gratitude did just a few hours earlier. Again, I whispered ever so softly, “Lord, I am sorry. Please forgive me.” This has been a cry of my heart, most times when I think of my eldest daughter. I often have to remind myself that God has already forgiven me and I need to embrace that forgiveness and forgive myself. It is a battle I face from time to time, a battle with guilt and regret.

Nevertheless, true to His character, the Lord God did not condemn me, but immediately reminded me of the truth. Once again, my mind traveled back in time, walking through the years from the time I knew of her conception up to when she left home for college. I was reminded that back then it was all about me – my hurt, my pain, my abandonment, my needs. On the outside, Sephie was a well-cared for child, all of her physical needs were met, but there was no emotional connection that would serve as a bridge for impartation. I was too busy searching for my needs to be filled.

Not so now! I have lived long enough to learn through experience that my life is NOT about me nor for me. My life is for and about my assignment, my purpose; for the saving, nurturing, and preserving of those whom God has entrusted to me. The Lord God reminded me that learning and embracing that truth has made me free and now I am free to address the consequences of my past missteps.

The Lord God reminded me, “IT’S NOT OVER YET! “

The Lord God reminded me, “IT’S NOT TOO LATE!“

Sephie is my seed and she too is blessed. He promised in Isaiah 49:24-25, “… For I will contend with him who contends with you, and I will save your children.” He also promised in Jeremiah 31:16-17 that He will reward the work of my hand and cause my children to return from the land of the enemy.

My dear sisters, the adversary of my soul wanted me to be weighed down by shame, guilt, and regrets so that, once again, it would be about me and not about my purpose of preserving lives, my child’s life. But thanks be to God, who causes us to triumph through Christ Jesus, I was able to hear a word from the Lord God, YOU ARE NOT TOO LATE….IT’S NOT OVER!!

As women, this is another common battle that we have to learn to face and conquer: forgiving ourselves for the things we regret doing/not doing and gaining strength to face the consequences of those decisions. If you are wrestling against the spirits of shame, guilt, and/or regrets, know that God is not holding your past against you. He is waiting for you to come and reason with Him so that He can direct your path in pursuing, overtaking, and recovering all.

I left my conversation with the Lord, having an assurance that although my daughter – my firstborn – is currently being held captive in the camp of the enemy, God is with me to go get her, overtake the head start of the enemy, and RECOVER ALL!

Dear Father, Please grant me the faith, courage, and endurance to keep on pursuing the adversary who took my daughter, until I have overtaken him and recovered all, IN JESUS’NAME, Amen!

DIG DEEPER:

  1. Devotional: It’s Not Too Late! PURSUE ….
  2. Prayer Room: Warfare for My Children

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Two Mothers

My focus of study for this month was the Old Testament book of Leviticus. As I neared its end and read the story of Shelomith, I began to think of the many women in the Bible who had to live through the consequences of unwise decisions of their loved ones. We were not given the details of how they were affected, but we know that they were affected nonetheless.

Here is a poem that I came across a few years ago which forced me to think of my sisters from Biblical days in a new light, Two Mothers.

TWO MOTHERS

Long time ago, so I have been told,
Two angels once met on streets paved with gold.
“By the stars in your crown,” said the one to the other
“I see that on earth, you too, were a mother.

And by, the blue-tinted halo you wear
“You, too, have known sorrow and deepest despair…”
“Ah yes,” she replied, “I once had a son,
A sweet little lad, full of laughter and fun.”

“But tell of your child.” “Oh, I knew I was blessed
From the moment I first held him close to my breast,
And my heart almost burst with the joy of that day.”
“Ah, yes,” said the other, “I felt the same way.”

The former continued: “The first steps he took-
So eager and breathless; the sweet startled look
Which came over his face – he trusted me so.”
“Ah, yes,” said the other, “How well do I know”

“But soon he had grown to a tall handsome boy,
So stalwart and kind – and it gave me so much joy
To have him just walk down the street by my side”
“Ah yes, “said the other mother,
“I felt the same pride.”

“How often I shielded and spared him from pain
And when he for others was so cruelly slain.
When they crucified him – and they spat in his face
How gladly would I have hung there in his place!”

A moment of silence – “Oh then you are she –
The mother of Christ”; and she fell on one knee.
But the Blessed one raised her up, drawing her near,
And kissed from the cheek of the woman, a tear.

“Tell me the name of the son you love so,
That I may share with your grief and your woe.”
She lifted her eyes, looking straight at the other,
“He was Judas Iscariot: I am his mother.”

Author Unknown

As ezerwatchers, we are connected so strongly to those to whom we have been assigned to “help” that there are times when their decisions and actions pierce us in ways which seems so hard to bear. What do we do then? From where can we find help? To whom do we go for comfort and relief from the pain?

Hebrews 12:2-3 (NIV) states “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

This is how The Message Bible paraphrases these verses: “Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!”

My dear sisters, today I agree with you in prayer that your faith will not fail.

I declare that you will not drown under the heaviness of sorrows brought on by loss.

You will not be overcome by any evil, but you will walk as you are – more than a conqueror through Him that loves you.

Receive the strength of God this day!

Receive grace for the journey!

Know that you are NOT alone!

You are making it and will make it to the end!

DIG DEEPER:
1. Devotional – Shelomith